This blog may be a bit different than previous blogs as we are taking a magnifying glass to authoritarian parenting, specifically the use of physical punishment. We are going to look at research and neurology to see what exactly is going on in your child’s brain when spanking is used as a disciplinary measure. We are also going to explore your child’s perspective and the generational impact of authoritarian parenting. Before we take the plunge, if you haven’t read my blog on the three main parenting styles, please take the time to do so as it provides a general overview of what we’ll be dissecting here.
The Brain
Does anyone recall the infomercials for Baby Einstein? The concept was that playing your baby classical music would boost cognitive function. This correlation was later attributed to other factors like providing a peaceful environment and a calm demeanor. But the theory remains true, that everything we encounter impacts our brains. Some have small, unremarkable effects whereas others can have significant consequences. Researchers, child psychologists, and neuroscientists all agree that physical punishment falls into the “significant consequences” category.
A recent 2021 study examined the brains of children who have been spanked versus those who haven’t while showing them various facial expressions. They found that children who had been spanked had a higher activity response in the areas of their brain that regulate these emotional responses and detect threats. This means that your child is feeling as threatened and fearful as they would if they were in a dangerous scenario.
The Child’s Perspective
So, we have noted the brain reacts similarly to spanking as with other forms of danger. What does this mean for their development? Again, researchers agree that spanking can negatively affect children’s social-emotional development, self-regulation, and cognitive development. Through physical punishment, your child is not learning how to modify their behaviors or regulate their emotions, they are learning that the person who is supposed to provide safety, love, warmth, and care is unsafe and harmful. This breeds a lack of trust in not just their parents, but of anyone they get close to. You may see short-term behavioral changes, but it is not because they are learning natural consequences and accountability, it is because they are afraid of you.
Generational Cycle
We have examined the brain and explored the impacts on your child, but you may ask yourself, why spend a blog writing about this specific parenting style when it is not the “best” one? For one reason: the generational cycle.
In my work with children and adolescents, I would say most parents tell me at least one of the parents lean towards authoritarian parenting and utilize spanking as a disciplinary measure. A common follow-up after this disclosure is a lack of awareness of what to do differently. Why is this the case? Because it is extremely likely these parents were also raised with physical punishment and have learned to rationalize the behavior because they “turned out okay.” To this, I ask: Do you experience anxiety or depression? Do you have difficulty telling someone no? Do you suppress your emotions or feel uncomfortable expressing them? Have you had violent outbursts? Difficulty making or maintaining relationships? These questions just scratch the surface of the impact spanking could have had on your life.
You can break the generational cycle. You can modify your child’s behavior without the use of physical punishment. If you feel at a loss or need a helping hand, please feel free to reach out. I am happy to teach you all the ways you can positively influence your child’s development and aid them in becoming self-sufficient and accountable adults! Please reach out anytime. 832-352-1600 You can also contact us through our website HERE.
