In this installment of the identity series, we will be discussing values. Values are an important part of our
identity, as they are the guiding principles for our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. Everyone’s values are
different, and what is important to one person might be less important to the next. Today we will explore
the benefits of clarifying our own values, and how to utilize them towards a positive impact on our lives.
Exploration
When defining our values, there are many sources to consider. Societal values and values held by our
friends and family may align or differ with our own. It is important to remember that each person’s
individual values will be different, and that is okay. We want to ask ourselves, “what really matters to
me?” and go from there. There are also a variety of lists, quizzes, and assessments out there that can
help to identify them. In my office, we use a card deck based on Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy to identify our top values, and that can help us to create goals and take action
steps in different areas of our lives.
Prioritizing Values
Values can be positively motivating, or negatively influencing, depending on the behaviors we act on
based on them. Take the values of honesty and kindness. Sometimes they may contradict, because
what someone is honestly thinking may not always be kind. Say someone asks your opinion on
something, and you have a negative opinion of it. Whatever value you prioritize in that moment will
determine how you behave in any given situation. Honesty is great, until it is harmful to others,
and values are not an excuse from consequences. In this circumstance, the value of kindness may be
prioritized over honesty. That does not mean we have completely dropped honesty, it just
means that decisions like this need to be made sometimes.
Values vs. Goals
It is easy to confuse the two, but one way to think about the difference between values and goals is that
values are about what you are doing and how you are doing it, whereas goals are something you can
accomplish and complete. For example, I can have a goal of getting married, and once I achieve that
goal, it is complete. But I can have a value of being loving, loyal, and honest with my partner, and those I
can always access, or choose to neglect, but they are never “complete.” Having values is all about
ongoing action–how do we want to behave in life? What do we want to stand for?
Aligning with our Values
It can cause cognitive dissonance within us if we are not aligning with our values. Once you clarify your own
values, you can utilize that information to find ways to behave that align with them. For example, say
we find out through the values card sort that fun is important to you. Our next step may be to
figure out how to infuse more fun into your life, which would lead us into an exploration about what you
find fun. Once we know that, we can find ways to incorporate more fun into your life on a regular basis,
as that is something that is important to you. If you are interested in exploring your values further with the
help of a counselor, feel free to reach out by clicking HERE. The counselors at Tx Harmony Counseling Center are ready to help!
