In my last blog, I reviewed a few ways to begin the self-love journey. I want to follow up with one of the common barriers that tends to get in the way along this path. In this blog, we will deepen our understanding of why this process can be difficult for some, based on our core beliefs.
What Are Core Beliefs?
Core beliefs are ideas about ourselves, others, and the world around us. These beliefs are largely learned in early childhood, at a time when we are easily influenced and often don’t have the full context of any given situation. Because of this, they can be inaccurate, unhealthy, and even harmful. They shape how we see the world, and can impact our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in positive or negative ways. And because we develop these beliefs at a young age, they can be difficult to identify (we are used to them) and difficult to change (they are deeply rooted).
Examples of Core Beliefs
To paint a picture, let’s say I picked up the core beliefs that I am unloveable and that others can’t be trusted. If this was the case, I may have difficulty in relationships, or may not even pursue meaningful connections with others. I would have already assumed that getting close to untrustworthy people isn’t worth the risk of getting hurt. And even if they somehow turned out to be trustworthy, they wouldn’t love me anyway. Sounds harsh, but beliefs like this influence our perception of each situation, and can change the course of our lives over time.
Conversely, let’s say that in childhood, I learned the healthier core belief that I am loveable and capable of building trusting relationships with others. I might approach others more confidently, trust myself to accurately judge their character, and feel comfortable enough to let others get to know and love me. Becoming aware of what our core beliefs are can change what actions we take (or don’t take), which influences how we feel about ourselves.
Development and Impact
Children are sponges, meaning they absorb the world around them in order to learn. We are absorbing the messaging around us, which can include societal or cultural beliefs, media/advertisements that are designed to target our insecurities, and/or dysfunctional family dynamics. With the right nurturing, we can build healthier core beliefs at an early age to be able to withstand the harmful messaging. However, without guidance, we are left to figure it out on our own–something that children are not fully equipped to handle.
Part of my approach as a therapist involved helping clients identify their own core beliefs. This can be especially helpful if someone is struggling with self-esteem, identity, and acceptance. Together, we can identify the core beliefs that a younger version of yourself may have concluded based on the information you had at the time. We can then take a critical look at these beliefs, explore where they came from, and determine if they still hold up given more information.
Need Support?
If you would like to start this journey, I’d be happy to support you in that process. Contact me!
