Self-love: We all struggle with it. There are some days we wake up and look back at our reflection in the mirror, unenthused. Maybe it’s an off day. Typically this passes, and we move on, feeling great about ourselves the next day. However, for some of us, this pattern looks much more consistent, and can even teeter into self-loathing. Some of us are somewhere in between, not exactly experiencing self-hatred, but self-love feels out of reach. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, this blog discusses a few different approaches to start learning to love yourself.
Self-compassion
Everyone recommends practicing self-compassion, but what are we referring to when we say that? It might be helpful to reflect on what our starting point is, and go from there. Next time you are frustrated with yourself over something that you did that you perceive as a mistake, try noticing your self-talk. How is your brain speaking to you in that moment? Is it something you would ever say to someone else that made the same mistake?
Typically, people are much harsher on themselves than they would be with others. If you are constantly beating yourself up over seemingly insignificant things, this might indicate that we need to improve self-compassion. This can be done by reframing our internal voice in order to be able to identify negative self-talk. If you wouldn’t say the same things to someone else, why is it okay to speak to yourself that way?
Inner child visualization
Another thing we can do is utilize a visualization exercise. Even if our brains have somehow convinced us that being hard on ourselves is the only way to improve, most of us hopefully have much more patience with children. This visualization utilizes that increased patience to our advantage.
We all have within us what we call our inner child. It is the part of us that may carry more awe for the world, or more innocence and hope than we do now. This part may also be carrying our earliest emotional wounds. Either way, if we visualize that child part receiving some of the negative self-talk we just identified, we may start to see those words in a different light. This visualization helps us better recognize the impact our self-talk has on how we feel.
Baby steps
Self-love can be a tall order for some of us with internalized negative beliefs, unresolved trauma, or current insecurities. If all else fails, something is better than nothing. If we can’t find self-compassion or greater patience for ourselves, our first step may need to be smaller. The next time you have an extremely negative thought, try writing it down. Then, instead of trying to replace it with the opposite, just try replacing it with something less negative. The goal is to aim for neutral, not positive, as that can be an easier place to start.
If you are struggling to implement any of these approaches, it may be time to ask for help. Reach out to us today!
