In my last blog, How to Survive Survival Mode: The 3 Components of Basic Self-Care, we explored bare-minimum self-care–useful in times when we just need to make it through the day. I clarified that this is not a normal state to be in, but that it can be unavoidable at times. If feeling stuck in this pattern, therapy can help us find a healthier and more sustainable path, and often involves processing trauma, improving coping skills, and/or addressing underlying mental health disorders. In today’s blog, we are exploring next steps: we’ve made it out the other side of survival mode, and now have the capacity to begin engaging in more proactive self-care, which is preventative.
Assessing the damage
Hopefully, maintaining basic self-care helped us push through a difficult time relatively unscathed. When things feel more stable, that is a great time to assess our needs as we start to rebuild routines. Of course, the basics should always be in place, and can usually be improved upon at this point. Take a few moments to assess the different areas of self-care in order to determine what is missing.
After gathering this information, we can try to determine which sources are creating the most stress. This is another area that can be helped immensely with the guidance of a therapist, as we will have a more objective view on overall themes, and can assist in building skills to increase awareness of our own patterns. It can also help to determine if a source of stress is something that can be improved, removed, or just approached differently. Lastly, looking at how we manage stress overall, regardless of source, can be helpful in the long run.
Anticipating needs
So what do we do with this information? One of the skills that is important for everyone to learn is how to identify, anticipate, and fulfill their own needs. This is the basis of successful self-care. An easy way to identify if something is self-care or not is by reframing it as questions. I like to use an example to help clarify this approach in action.
Practice scenario
Let’s say you have identified that your mood is starting to take a dip, and you are trying to determine if you should accept an invitation to connect with friends. The answer to whether or not it would be self-care to attend will be different depending on who you are. But if we ask ourselves these questions, the answer can start to become clear.
Question A: Is this setting up future me for success? If we have a history of depression or tend to isolate ourselves, then we can take that information and make the choice to connect with friends, even if we don’t always feel like it. However, if we have a history of people-pleasing and self-sacrificing, accepting when we don’t want to could be repeating unhealthy patterns.
Question B: Will I feel better after engaging in this activity? If connecting with friends is a known source of joy, then we may push ourselves to go even if we’re not feeling it initially, because we know we will feel better afterwards. However, if we are trying to practice listening to our body and know that going right now might be more draining than helpful, we may choose to decline the invitation this time.
If you are still confused on where to start, we are happy to help!
