Welcome parents and caregivers of all kinds! If you’re looking for insight into the basics of parenting styles, you have come to the right place. For the most part, people have a general idea of how they intend to parent – perhaps it is the same way you were raised or perhaps you are attempting the opposite of how you were raised due to an unhappy or unfulfilling experience. Regardless of why you parent the way you do, this blog plans to dive deep into the three types of parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative) and explore what is the right fit for your child’s needs.
Authoritarian Parenting
The first style we’ll discuss is what we know as strict or militant parenting. This style of parenting is extremely structured and discipline heavy. This parenting style was extremely popular in the 1960s where times of hardship caused emotional needs to be suppressed as physical needs were the priority. This led to an overall lack of emotional expression, fear-based parenting techniques, and less autonomy for the child. Other cornerstones of this parenting style include extremely high expectations with little room for error as a mistake is punished instead of explored. While forms of structure can be extremely useful when aiding children in goal setting and self-sufficiency, this form of fear-based parenting builds an unstable foundation as the child is acting “perfect” out of fear of consequence instead of their own motivations. While this parenting style may result in desired behaviors in the short term, there are long term consequences. These consequences can manifest as high levels of aggression, indecisiveness, poor self-esteem, and overall rebellion against authority figures.
Permissive Parenting
On the complete opposite side of the parenting spectrum would be permissive parenting. This parenting style’s key characteristics are emotional warmth, nurture-focuses, and minimal expectations, and thus, minimal discipline. Essentially, the parent-child relationship maneuvers more similarly to a friendship. Some benefits include open communication, high self-esteem, and some social skills. However, while the lack of structure allows children to make their own decisions, this can lead down a potentially unsafe path by affecting their eating, sleeping, and screen time habits as well as their ability to self-regulate. They may also struggle socially as they have no concept of boundaries and may exhibit selfish behavior.
Authoritative Parenting
If the previous parenting styles are the extremes, authoritative parenting would be considered the best of both worlds. This parenting style embodies the close, emotionally-centered relationship from the permissive style while combining it with the structure and responsibilities of authoritarian. Instead of using fear-based disciplinary techniques, authoritative discipline is utilized to support instead of punish. It focuses on the “why” of the incident instead of the incident itself. This allows the child to learn and grow from their actions while also maintaining accountability for their choices. If you’d like to learn more about incorporating choices into your parenting style, check out my blog This or That. Overall, authoritative parenting has significant positive results where the child is able to emotionally regulate, establish and maintain independence, and exhibit higher levels of confidence, social skills, and academic performance as they are not acting out of fear, but are acting on their own motivations.
Last, but not Least
It is important to note that two individuals can instinctually have different, or even opposing, parenting styles. Conceptually, this may seem all encompassing, but it actually creates a great deal of instability and inconsistency for your child. If one parent is fear-based and the other is their friend, they will pull away from the fear-based parent and put added stress on the permissive parent, thus challenging their ability to maintain that relationship and energy.
At the end of the day, the best parenting style is one that is present. If you are not neglecting your child, then you are already on the right path.
Should you desire guidance to change or evolve your current parenting style, reach out to our office. I’ll be happy to provide further information! Please click HERE to contact us through our website. We are here to help!
